If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
