Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
