Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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