If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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