SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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