We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
