I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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