i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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