Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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