I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize