The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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