There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
