We're facebook friends in real life
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
