Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
