I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
