She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
