Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Holy sore nipples Batman
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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