Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
