Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
