everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
