The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
