there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
