4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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