dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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