Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
