Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
