we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
