I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
