I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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