The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
did i just pee glitter
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize