Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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