Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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