College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
