Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She even gives head with a lisp.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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