she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
