so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
