if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
