just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
