Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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