I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
