can u get pink eye on your cock?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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