There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
COCAINE IS GR8
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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