If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize