I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
