She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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