it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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