just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
and she was petting her beer can
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
