Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
