i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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