Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
