we have pet lesbian snakes
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
