New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
