You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
