Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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