So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
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