Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
