How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
