Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
