she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Edward fifth and chaser hands
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
