he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
