May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
we're so committed to being not committed
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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