if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
